like clouds taking back the rain

i've been waiting.
waiting for the damn in my heart to break
until i was done
the dumb decisions i've made
i was hoping
once they started they wouldn't stop
crying out the last six months
for days

but the words came
out of his mouth so fast
in that moment i wasn't prepared.
i watched him shake his head
from the corner of my eye
i shoved it all down deeper
and dried my eyes

when the year's first rain falls
unfamiliar moisture
against my parched eyelids
let the monsoon have its way
but the tears stopped too soon
like clouds taking back the rain

such a petty argument
could send me reeling in pain
for a moment i thought i could let it all go
i could sneak off to my bed
like a slap across the face
and he would be all the more confused
as to why
to make me feel silly
and dried my eyes

when the year's first rain falls
unfamiliar moisture
against my parched eyelids
let the monsoon have its way
but the tears stopped too soon
like clouds taking back the rain

and i was looking forward to
the tears streaming down my face
but they didn't come
the way i expected them to
the tears burned just as bad
all the rejection. and growth.
the surprises. and joy.
unjustified anger
but it wouldn't matter
let it all go
the tears didn't come
enough to make me imagine
the way the dry, cracked, desert earth feels

when the year's first rain falls
unfamiliar moisture
against my parched eyelids
let the monsoon have its way
but the tears stopped too soon.
like clouds taking back the rain